I woke up at 3.
Jessica and I were at a bar and felt sick from so much cream of corn. We were puking and the owner of the bar came to yell at us for drinking too much or something. We fought back a little because, well, it's hard not too. He made us pay. I was home and scared and remembering his disgusting face. I hear noises in the restroom, walk towards it, turn on the light, see a puddle of water and then I see his face in the mirror. I hadn't paid and he was in my house with the cops.
I woke up. It had all been a dream.
The sheets were soaked in the same sweat I was drenched in. The fan spun round and round but even the slow hum it makes couldn't drown the sound of my fast-beating heart. I uncovered myself and felt exactly what I knew I would: scared and cold.
I spoke to Omer; I like it when we're telepathically in sync. At least I like to think that's what we are.
I dragged myself to the living room, opened olivias cage and figured I'd have a good two hours of sleep.
BIG MISTAKE!
She was a pest- so annoying. Finally I fell asleep but I'm sure she misbehaved more that I know.
She's gotten to the christmas tree- that's gonna be fun! *read with sarcasm*. Between this and other things at home I feel like I'm going crazy. Sometimes I don't know what's missing, if it is missing, if its in a landfill in the middle of nowhere by now. Tupperwares taunt me from their Walmart isle- I should buy them all.
It always comes down to the same thing: shut up about it, suck it up, and find a new place. Which is exactly what I'm trying to do.
I discovered this today: I am SO not ready to have children.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Finishing off 2011...
Long story short: my sister and I were talking about new year's resolutions- or PRE new years resolutions.
Are those an option? Can we do that? Hell yeah. I mean we can do whatever we please, but of course you can decide to finish the year strong. Then I got to thinking....
In running you are trained to sprint the last 100 meters. It's a way of finishing off strong regardless of the distance you've run. Straighten your back. Look forward (at or past the finish line). Relax your shoulders. Swing your arms back and forth as fast as you can and most importantly: PICK. UP. THOSE. LEGS. breathe in. breathe out. focus. and then....
and then that rush. It is the most amazing feeling I have ever felt. Legs shaking. heart beating too fast. Goosebumps from the cool breeze making contacts with warm sweaty skin. Pasty white skin color on your face and that huge smile across the face that says " I did it ".
It is in those last final seconds that everything we know is put up as a test with 99% security that you CAN DO IT. YOU'VE DONE IT BEFORE , YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN. So you suck it up. And you do what you know what you've trained to do. You give that last final push and then you do it- most of the time you achieve it.
So think of how you want to get to the 2011 finish line. Think, plan it, DO IT. You can do it- you have enough time. All you need is to PICK. UP. THOSE. LEGS.
Are those an option? Can we do that? Hell yeah. I mean we can do whatever we please, but of course you can decide to finish the year strong. Then I got to thinking....
In running you are trained to sprint the last 100 meters. It's a way of finishing off strong regardless of the distance you've run. Straighten your back. Look forward (at or past the finish line). Relax your shoulders. Swing your arms back and forth as fast as you can and most importantly: PICK. UP. THOSE. LEGS. breathe in. breathe out. focus. and then....
and then that rush. It is the most amazing feeling I have ever felt. Legs shaking. heart beating too fast. Goosebumps from the cool breeze making contacts with warm sweaty skin. Pasty white skin color on your face and that huge smile across the face that says " I did it ".
It is in those last final seconds that everything we know is put up as a test with 99% security that you CAN DO IT. YOU'VE DONE IT BEFORE , YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN. So you suck it up. And you do what you know what you've trained to do. You give that last final push and then you do it- most of the time you achieve it.
So think of how you want to get to the 2011 finish line. Think, plan it, DO IT. You can do it- you have enough time. All you need is to PICK. UP. THOSE. LEGS.
Monday, November 14, 2011
living and learning
We went to watch the Cowboys VS Bills game this weekend. Sunday at noon. We woke up after sleeping in a "smoking" room *(I'd reserved the non-smoking but what do you expect from a best western?) We parked about a mile away and walked to the stadium.
It was grandiose. Beautiful. People were mostly dressed in white and blue expect for the 10 BILLS FANS- one of them was my boyfriend. The air smelled of excitement and testosterone. Texan girls are so beautiful with their sparkly jeans and big hair- ... no wonder they say everything is bigger in Texas; hair sure is.
The Bills were losing by the first 5 minutes. Forty something- 7 . Omar's face full of embarassement and pain; real pain. The kind that breaks your heart. I wanted to hug him and reassure him everything would be alright. I couldn't get myself to take it seriously.
As I sat there I thought of all the wonderful things I've been able to live. Trips, events, parties, conversations, purchases.... I'm so lucky I thought. I'm so lucky to be with these people- to come to these places; to have these moments.
To have the time and opportunity to learn that the love of my life takes this game too seriously. So much so that he refused to talk to me or anyone, or even finish the game in the stadium. He waited outside and I thought it was adorable. I fell even more in love with him.
The way he speaks to his family; the way he talks and makes jokes; the way he pouts when something doesn't go his way.
I'm so lucky. So very lucky
It was grandiose. Beautiful. People were mostly dressed in white and blue expect for the 10 BILLS FANS- one of them was my boyfriend. The air smelled of excitement and testosterone. Texan girls are so beautiful with their sparkly jeans and big hair- ... no wonder they say everything is bigger in Texas; hair sure is.
The Bills were losing by the first 5 minutes. Forty something- 7 . Omar's face full of embarassement and pain; real pain. The kind that breaks your heart. I wanted to hug him and reassure him everything would be alright. I couldn't get myself to take it seriously.
As I sat there I thought of all the wonderful things I've been able to live. Trips, events, parties, conversations, purchases.... I'm so lucky I thought. I'm so lucky to be with these people- to come to these places; to have these moments.
To have the time and opportunity to learn that the love of my life takes this game too seriously. So much so that he refused to talk to me or anyone, or even finish the game in the stadium. He waited outside and I thought it was adorable. I fell even more in love with him.
The way he speaks to his family; the way he talks and makes jokes; the way he pouts when something doesn't go his way.
I'm so lucky. So very lucky
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)